his foot (Splashing into the beautiful unknown / silver and gold)

"One night years ago I came upon my boyfriend passionately embracing another woman. We were in the house of a friend who had a priceless collection of pottery. I was furious and looking for something to throw. Everything I picked up I had to put back down because it was worth at least ten thousand dollars. I was completely enraged and I couldn’t find an outlet! There were no exits from experiencing my own energy. The absurdity of the situation totally cut through my rage. I went outside and looked at the sky and laughed until I cried. 

In vagrayana Buddhism it is said that wisdom is inherent in emotions. 

When we struggle against our energy we reject the source of wisdom. Anger without the fixation is none other than clear-seeing wisdom. Pride without fixation is experienced as equanimity. The energy of passion when it’s free of grasping is wisdom that sees all the angles." Pema Chodron (my other girlfriend) (From her book, Places That Scare You) 

"I was listening to a John Lee Hooker track and I asked, 'Who's playing the drums?' 'That's his foot,' Keith [Richards] said. 'He was just kicking at the floorboards.' I was blown out of it. I left with my head in a spin and I went back to my hotel room on my own and wrote 'Silver And Gold' and tried to apply what I'd just heard to the project at hand, which was an anti-apartheid record. I called Keith the next day and said, 'Can I come round, I've got a song I'd like to play for you? Maybe you'd like to play on it?' Keith said, 'Sure.' So I recorded an acoustic version of this, my first blues song, with Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood." - Bono, U2 By U2 2006

In the shithouse a shotgun
Praying hands hold me down
Only the hunter was hunted
In this tin can town
Tin can town

This entry, I am writing (ahem, quoting), on the day where my reason for being where I am has ended. Every minute is like a Littlest Hobo episode gone past the hour. Or am I just being dramatic? My "errand," or a part of it, that I came here to do, is done. My part, anyway.

Bullet the blue sky.

Sarah Connor, "The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now, making up history as we went along."

Me, "Sarah, surely you know, there is no fate, no fate but what we make."

Ok, that's no exactly how the conversation went..
It's weird, like when I was in Ontario and my boss told me the work I'd been hired for two years to do (after 11 months) was done. There's some sadness to it, like a relationship that's ending, "One day I may lose you, lose you like I lose my sight, day falling into endless night.." where you cease to be welcomed into the mystery any longer, and like "the falling yellow leaves of our hundred other lives", a new mystery beckons, a new choice.

The temperature is rising
The fever white hot
Mister, I ain't got nothing
But it's more than you got
Chains no longer bind me
Not the shackles at my feet
Outside are the prisoners
Inside the free

Set them free

And to what next purpose shall I be summoned? Today, I just feel. Sadness. Joy. Release. Fear. Excitement. Sadness. Joy. Like a slave with no master, that stunned feeling that just makes you stare off into the stars and, and..

Ok Edge, play the blues.

Heronesque Confessions / patient pathfinding

- Whatever magic it was I had, of 'travel' or wandering-power, or maybe just joy, it's gone. Not meaning to sound negative, but somehow I've slipped into some dull dreary routine I thought I had escaped forever. It comes in many guises.

- I recently discovered that a group of seven or eight Herons flies over town at about 9:30 every night. I assume it'll get earlier as the evening shifts.

- I haven't posted for a while, for a number of reasons. Kinda self-conscious about it. And, not much to say, I guess. Those phrases are interchangeable.

and disappointing you, is getting me down

- I'm definitely not feeling 'ahead by a century'.

*Hasn't this become an August theme for me? : Go within.

- Herons hunt with single-minded focus, patience. I think Herons are nocturnal, and no-one's figured that out yet. Sounds Ridiculous, I know (that I could figure something out about Herons that is not in books). I saw one at night once, hunting. It was on the sun-shine-co-ast, with my bro Jesse James.

- Change is 'a comin'. Don't know what yet. I can feel like it like a line of hidden CIA explosives in a twin tower..

I run like a river, run to the sea...

- Was in Bamfield a few weekends ago. Started an entry about it. Deleted it. Remarked to Diana the Huntress, as a big beauty Heron flew by, out the harbour, faster than Herons fly, ridin' the wind; "Funny, for all the time I spend outdoors, I've never found a Heron feather, they're a beautiful blue-grey, as big almost as eagle feathers.."

- We walked off the dock where we had fish burgers and I had a beer, and there one was, in the weeds, in the sea. I hopped the fence and splashed knee-deep to get it. Hunting. Patience.

- I am lost. Can't find my path. I spent a lot 'a time in the woods when I was a kid (and an adult): blessed time. I learned that those moments come, especially when you're rushing, when you lose your path. Running around trying to find it = you are fucked. Stop.

Breathe.

Relax, look around.

Enjoy the woods. "Oh, hey - there it is!"    ;)

HHhhhhhhh.. (the sound of me trying to breathe)