Good things afoot (February 2012, share! [international])

What's up in your life?

Ready for 2012 yet?

Oh, wait - it's here!

And it's got a different feel than I expected. I've just started reading The Eye of the I, by David Hawkins, the author or Power vs. Force.
Everyone seems to be going through positive changes.
I love this time of year! In Nova Scotia, where I grew up, it happens in March - late March. Here - it's now, or the last week or so, and lasting... who knows how long! It's the time when sap starts to run up the insides of trees, birds start to move around and migrate (and mate), Nature - waking up. Sexy. In the frozen places I've lived, but particularly those with hardwood trees; Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Ontario - you can feel it like a shudder deep in the earth, before you can actually see anything. Then the bird-singing starts..

And people all over the World are waking up too.

In Power vs. Force the author lays out this wierd scale of 'enlightenment', from 0 to 1,000. The lowest levels are things like hopelessness, anger, desire, fear, guilt, pride. Those are all below 200. At 200 we hit a point of Courage, where we're actually looking forward in life. 500 is Universal Love, most people don't get there yet. Ghandi was at 700. The founders of the great religions (and the religions themselves, at least when they started out, were all in the "just under 1000" level (ps - he says Mahayana Buddhism has stayed closest to that, remaining at about 960, Zen at 890 (pps - it's not a contest;))).

He says humanity hovered at about 190, below the tipping point of 200, for most of written history, until the 1990's, where "it suddenly jumped to the hopeful level of 207". According to Hawkins this is the first time in human history we are actually, as a global species - looking forward with courage and optimism.

I feel that. And I feel it in my own life. I seem to have gotten through a challenging winter where I was tempted a few times to bail out and run for cover, but instead I stuck to the plan, and now I'm moving into a kind of dream-life that I could never have imagined years ago. And yet - I guess I did imagine it on some level, and not only that, but - resolved to get there, or I wouldn't be here now.

What are we, as a global species, as HUMANITY - imagining? What are we resolving to get to in the future? And what past dreams are we realizing?

In an animated convo with some friends tonight I said "the end-of-the-world-people have it wrong - what if; we get an earthquake, tidal wave, famine, and disease, and the power grid and "global economic system" collapse, all at the same time, and people just give up: give up on holding on to all their shit, and instead say, 'man, what a rough day, you look hungry, wanna share my last box of oreo's (they're not making any more)?'"

Later, walking on the beach under a clouded sliver moon, I realized why I saw things that way - I went a year and a half without a home. No place to go back to, no net. And I was fine. I will never see life the same way. I can't wait to have space to allow the homeless and hopelessly idealistic to crash on my couch for months on end...

What if we just give up on having stuff, having lines between us, having 'mine'? Won't that blow them away? All the people who think they can control the outcome, they can dictate what we want and do, make us go to war and kill each other, or put ourselves in an early grave for someone else's benefit?

I learned transmission meditation years ago. I still do it. Well, a modified version. They are associated with Share International, which even has a magazine. I met the founder in London a few years back. He's cool. I've always loved that name. Share Inter-Nation-al. Let's go beyond the country of you 'n me.

If we share - nobody can control us: humanity is free.

EK

eagles.

Shit. I never thought it would turn out this way. But it has.
I'm glad.

He clasps the crag with crooked hands; 

Close to the sun in lonely lands, 

Ringed with the azure world, he stands. 

The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls; 

He watches from his mountain walls, 

And like a thunderbolt he falls. 

Walking on Schooner Cove beach on Sunday, an eagle flew overhead, above the sand-dunes. I waved and asked her to come back. She did. She was big. I say she because she was big, as per most of prey. She circled overhead and I could see her inner wing and body feathers - mottled, a late teen, but with the white head and tail. I've been getting to know her since 2008 or so.

Later, her and her brother flew by, and he, after I waved, came back and did a loop over me too. They feel like family. He flew between me and the sun, burning bright for an instant, like we all do, or hope to, "casting a golden light.."
(Seeing a golden eagle do this is supposedly a sign of enlightenment. I haven't written my anti-enlightenment blog entry yet, but it's comin..')

Nature is competetive. I have argued for years that it's also co-operative. Tennyson's poem, in a way reflects the competetive side. Is that action he describes also co-operative? Does co-operation always need to be 'nice?' But here's a thought I was just introduced to: is it (nature, us..) also coordinative? Collaborative?

What would Tennyson say?

Eagles, for those who know me, have fallen like thunderbolts in my life. The golden eagle in Halifax in 2005, the bald eagle whose children I was hanging out with on Sunday, who dropped one of his white tail feathers, from high in the sky, so that it landed right between my feet, way back in 93. What could be said of them, other than - coordinative. Those 'mere animals' have changed the course of my life and everyone I have touched. For the better, I believe.

My simple life today, my little rustic apartment by the beach, my friends, but no partner or life-long attachment (here), my simple lifestyle without much money or fancyness - there's no word in english for when your needs are served at the same time and in the same way as the needs of the world, and by that I mean - you are legitimately giving what you feel you were born to give. Shrug. I feel in tune with my higher aims. I never thought it would turn out this way - that my outer life would be so much simpler, and my 'true life' - so much richer, than I had pictured. Thanks for herding me to this place, and point in my life... :)

I still look up.
Always seeing you
Like an arrow at the sun...

slaying ourselves, oh, lady be good

Walking down College Street in Toronto, a few blocks east of Shaw, was the first time it hit me clearly: just how much energy and time we put into supressing our own energy - avoiding our own power.

At ANY cost.

Most people do it at any cost. We drink. We get in relationships that don't suit us. We lose ourselves in work - fighting for someone else's scraps, we take on causes that are not our own, we eat shite food that makes us feel bad. And we step back, jack, and do it again.

Maybe that's why people love war, deep down - because once there's actually something to do - you can justify letting your energy flow.

We are huge beings. Huge.

I speculated today with my bro that I might take this blog down. I live and work in a small town in a very public way. This blog is very personal. He was dissapointed to hear it and it made me think - what is this blog about? Wasn't it supposed to be my 'cape'?

This blog entry has no theme. I deny any theme. I may start another blog, because there's some political/social/legal stuff I want to rant about. And, you know - this blog is an existentialist, navel-gazing, self-absorbed mockery of a blog.. not the place for that kind of thing.

But, I love it. It makes me feel alive.

While other things I do or blogs I write may be expressions of my ideals for life - this blog is about it. About being a hunter of a good life, an authentic, passionate, errorful, errand-based - Life. 

'Cause this is it, baby.

Ok, I'm going to talk about that other stuff for a minute, just a minute: WE (Canada) recently publicly announced that we'll accept information resulting from torture, as long as we didn't do it (the torturing). In 1987 we signed the "Convention Against Torture" (actually called the "Convention against torture and the cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment 1984").

I don't have time to lose my head
To save us from ourselves

In international law one of the big issues is who can bring a case, and where. It's not the glamourous part, which makes bold quotable statements, but it's the kicker. Unfortunately the Convention has provisions (which Canada has signed onto) that allow a victim of torture to bring a case to the Committee. Which is good. But it doesn't go to the wall - by saying that anyone can bring a case. I would. Canada is violating the Convention, putting blood on all of our hands.

Some causes are a distraction from being alive and powerful in the World. Others are particularly worthy of our particular life-force. Only we can know. I look at people sometimes, and think, "you're wasting your time - on that?" (I try not to do that.. ). And I know people look at me the same way. When I have the balls to step out and be seen.

Here's an offshore note: I'm enjoying being single right now. And, despite some nice opportunities - I noticed that I'm subconsciously avoiding it. "It," being - romance. Sex too. It seems to imperil my writing. Which, frankly, I love more. Not like it's good, I know it isn't. But it's mine.

Had a crazy thought, observing how I've subconsciously sabotaged relationships in the past, and always fought against it, and felt like it was foiling "me," my true desires. It's not - it's making me.

The thought was - instead of fighting it, why don't I just relax and see that this is guiding me - to what I really want. If I'm subconsciously sabotaging a relationship - it's because I don't want it. Why not make it conscious - instead of fighting it?

Wft? It's the craziest thought I've had in a while. And I think I'll start applying it to the rest of my life too. 

It's not momentary: "I don't feel like doing that.  "It's long-term: "this is not making me feel alive and I'm fucking it up."

Sometimes it's the things we have to force oursleves to do that, in fact, our subconscious most embraces. Work, for instance. I have recently found (in the last month or so)(or any time I have a new job and the kind of learning curve that requires a thousand feet of rope and crampons) - I sometimes have to force myself to get started, but once I do - I just want to stay at work. And learn. And excel. And transform myself, like an intentional, fun-loving Otter (see 2012, Face into the Current (if otters can do it.).)) - into something else.

Love is a game where we learn the skills of life. Like baby tigers batting. And it's also the end-game. I had a dream, years ago - where I met Justice, the female archetypal figure. She was a surprisingly young woman; fragile and strong. I fell in Love with her (who wouldn't?) and she left me a note that said, "I Love You." But it meant - "I can only love you - if you truly love me."

I feel like I've taken a trembling step forward recently, with this thought, actually watching myself, my deep inner quoi? that, by it's nature, I cannot be aware of, I can see what I truly love.

Again, I'm listening to music and writing, the Hip, Charlie Parker, and as I was finishing - 'addicted to love.' Perhaps the best way to slay ourselves is to follow our own complete truth, out truest love.

Oh, lady be good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NrfybzpsnY