Beyond the Pillars, "Bodhisattva"!!

Well, what the hell.
I've pretty much decided to keep on going and have started the process of looking for work in the Middle East.  I have turned down a 3-4 week house-sitting gig in Tofino. Funny, I could stay here in this place that many people would kill to live in, and do meaningful work at the same time. As I said in a previous blog - I'm riding two horses, I suppose the way Bono put it is one way of saying it, "between the horses of love and lust" - we all have spiritual needs, we all have physical needs.
I've often, over the years, thought of myself as a Bodhisattva, in a teasing way, and with some humility. People have said it to me a few times over the years, but not all reliable sources ;) The highest compliment was, "bodhisattva-warrior" -  I wish I could claim that title, it sounds cool!
I've read / been told that you're a Bodhisattva if you have already reached enlightenment and you have returned to earth to serve, instead of hanging out in Nirvanna. I don't feel particularly enlightened, I keep having to learn some pretty basic stuff, over and over. But ever since I was a kid, particularly since a calm clear moment when I was 13, I've wanted to help others, above all else.
This is what Wikipedia has to say about what a Bodhisattva is;
The Sanskrit term Bodhisattva is the name given to anyone who, motivated by great compassion, has generated bodhichitta, which is a spontaneous wish to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings. What makes someone a Bodhisattva is her or his dedication to the ultimate welfare of other beings, as expressed in the prayer:
                    May I attain Buddahood for the benefit of all sentient beings.
That definition is easier to sit with - 'still learning'!
If that is true, I guess it explains why I can walk away from a place where I could do good stuff, and go somewhere I may do work of questionable value. Riding two horses takes personal power, takes deep energy.
I have to get my finances straight, and my energy is in travelling right now - all paths point towards keeping travelling. The wave I'm surfing right now is washing me out to sea - to the mid-east or ... somewhere.
My 'service', whatever it is, lies out there - beyond the tried and true of what I know or what others think. It'd be easy, and I do it sometimes, to say: 'you want to help people and yet you...?' or - 'one should be a pure-bred eco-warrior, not wandering around driving a car - become king or dedicate yourself 24/7 to your passion...' Maybe.
Maybe I'm just justifying self-indulgence. Dunno. This is all I got. Maybe travelling and getting my debts straight is my path to Buddahood today, my way to sharpen my sword and make myself ready for the next thing that needs to be done.
A friend quoted one of my earlier blogs this morning - that if you turn away from someone before you who needs you, in pursuit of a distant goal, you will surely fail. Or something like that. I've worked on this project off and on over the summer, I've done what I can here, like my job in Ontario -  it doesn't feel like my destiny to stay for every detail. I will continue to work on protecting Catface Mountain while here, and then via the internet / phone etc. I know myself this well - if I am untrue to me - I become useless pretty quickly.
Do I care about Buddahood? Not in the least. But if learning and growing, like money, helps me help others - great. Travel - is an accumulation of a different kind of money. Inside wealth.
I went to the beach the other morning, Florencia Beach, for an 'hour'.  I ended up staying all day. It was cold and rainy and sunny at times, I had a fire, meditated, wrote in my journal, wrote a letter to God/the Universe. Relinquished some old vows, so I could move into the future unhindered. Realized that they have been pillars that have shaped my life/lives and that in giving them up I am, like with my travels - moving beyond the known. I siezed that day as mine,  knowing I'll live in places again that are not beautiful, work long days, be under stress, this is the life I've embraced - moving, travelling, taking on new challenges. Those days, long days alone at the beach, they go inside your heart and they stay there, like gas in a tank, to get you through times that are not as glorious.
Go beyond the pillars, the moon and stars say to me - 'we know you and your passions, your answer lies out there, beyond what you know, beyond your safe zone where you can call yourself a "_______" or whatever else you choose as your identity. Go out there, beyond the pillars, into the desert, serve all of Creation by being who you are. A yellow flower that tries to make itself a red one is neither, and never complete.'
Are there others out there?

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.

I have struggled with this blog, with how people see how I see myself. But I had some inspiration today too - friends who have said I've inspired them on their paths, to speak more openly, and to be productive in their creative ventures, in the pursuit of their highest ideals. I love writing this blog. Thank you for reading.
May the road rise up to meet you.