in the Sunshine of my Love (wild horses)

Spent the last week or two on the Sunshine Coast, went to Vancouver for a few days - and couldn't wait to come back. Now I am here again, at Roberts Creek, staying with some great friends.
It's the first time I've felt that in my travels - the desire to go back to a place I've just been.
"Thoughts on travel, love, service, healthfood, homelessness"...
Home.
This is the sixteenth entry on this journey. I don't think there's any resolution to the questions I've been posing - that's not the point. How do we best serve? How do we balance fullfilling ourselves with fulfilling our role in the world? Is there even any difference between the two?
How drastically my plans, thoughts, aims, have changed in ten days. I'm glad, and I'm happy. The road goes ever on and on.
High in Nepal, the lock sprang at last:
There Vishnu lies entrancd upon his pool,
And there I was touched deeply and held fast
Home is where the heart is. A friend, my roommate in my first apartment after leaving a more stable life in Halifax in 2007, wrote that on a small gift she gave me years ago. It's a more complex cliche than it initially sounds. Really embracing it means - embracing uncertainty. Not to be a butterfly in a storm - blown hither and thither by the whims of what 'my heart wants' but to be a butterfly emerging from a coccoon - into a new sense of reality and the possibilities of life. Where is one's heart? What is our deepest passion? Herein lies, I think, the answer to the question of how we balance our role in the world with our personal needs.
So, here I am on the Sunshine Coast. The other day, in a dreamy moment, I had a vision of wild horses over my heart - a herd of them, galloping across the plain - free, running, simply for the joy of life.
My heart wants to be here now, for the friends I've made, the love all around me, will I ultimately stay or go? I don't know. Can I find work here? I don't know. Today, I am simply running, niether to nor away, but for the joy of it.
The horses - represent that feeling, it can (theoretically) be found anywhere - I have found it (again) through travel. Now I recognize it more clearly than when I was young: the vital power of life / the Universe, expressing itself through your passions and dreams. If it's here, I'll stay here, if it's in Vancouver, LA, Dubai, or Halifax - I'll go there. Ultimately - it's just in me. But I tried telling myself that while living in Peterborough - man, it was a hard road to hoe (no offence to anyone).
Nothing takes priority over being alive - the great lesson from one of my favorite characters in literature - the mother from The Virgin and the Gypsy, by D.H. Lawrence. She's not even in the book, just mentioned a few times - she leaves, her family and everything - to be alive. Not to say you can't have it in a relationship, but simply to say that it always takes precedence, always.
For me, as a horse-hearted person, I need someone who also wants to run, run, run. Not necessarily literally - but to live a life of passion.
I promised something on health food too, so here it is: I've put on weight. For those who don't know me, that's a challenge - I'm chronically slim. Strange, while travelling. And I eat less. Smaller meals, I'm more easily satisfied. I see, that through the things I've faced in life to get to this point, deaths of my parents, divorce, going back to school at a later age, all to get me here - as a homeless wanderer, a hobo, a 'wandering knight' - I am fullfilled. All those years, all that food I used to eat, was to satisfy a deeper hunger: a hunger for myself.

It would be easier to roll up the entire sky into

a small cloth than it would be to obtain true happiness

without knowing the Self.

Conclusion (though I promised none): the best health food is to live your life fully, to be who you are, and to follow yor heart.
It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ; "man is not made pure by what goes in his mouth, but by what comes out." Indeed.
But it's still fun to eat healthy and feel strong and energetic.
I started a raw food/yoga thirty day challenge yesterday, with some friends, and was up at 4:30 am for an hour and a half of yoga - it felt great. Good to be fulfilled in my spirit, heart and body.
In the last few weeks on the SSC, I've solidified some wonderful relationships, friendships, some very light but meaningful romance, and made new friends as well. All very welcoming and inviting - of me into their lives. I have been honoured by some wonderful people lately - wanting to be my friend, wanting to share.
There is so much love here - for/from one person, many, myself. I am still on the hinge of deciding, (finding out?) what to do next, and know what to follow - it's that beautiful feeling I have managed to find on this trip: of being me, and following my heart.
I'll be with the wild horses, wherever they are...