Life's Grand Adventure...

"I hate adventure collectors" I said to Clyf as we drove across Northern Ontario in early July. What I meant was - people who, everything they do outdoors, has to be bigger, faster, better. But really - who am I to judge? If that's your thing - go for it! Clyf and I talked about a lot of stuff rolling through Ontario - it's so big, so beautiful, endless rock, river, forest, rock, river, forest, rock, river, forest...

"Let's go bungy jumping" I said to Clyf as I woke him up - in a hostel in Whistler a few weeks later, both of us hung over from the night before...
He laughed, "Awesome! But I thought you hated adventure collecting.." he said in his late-morning-so-deep it's-almost-below-human-hearing-range voice.
"This is not 'adventure-collecting' - it's fun, there's a difference!
"whatever, lets go -"

Let's go.
I finally dug out my copy of Shambala: Sacred path of the Warrior, by Chogyam Trungpa, and started reading it again. It seemed so on-point for my journey, for this: my 22nd entry.

Some people might say this world is the work of a divine principle, but the Shambala teachings are not concerned with divine origins. The point of warriorship is to work personally with our situation now, as it is. - Chogyam Trungpa

As it is. Today. To be enjoyed or not enjoyed. To be savoured or not savoured. This entry might be about the secret of letting go. Something about the magic and wonder of life. I jumped off a cliff in taking this trip, and every time I've wanted to veer in and grab on a branch - I have resisted that temptation. Thankfully.

That is the sixty-four-thousand dollar question: how much have you connected with yourself at all in your whole life? - Chogyam Trungpa

And in falling, in the beauty of falling - I remember the 'high,' they call it - it's this beautiful peace that seems like a taste of forever. As I plummeted on the end of a rope, after I panicked and then realized there was no going back, and then gave up, and resigned myself to it (yes, there's time for all that, and more - to pass through your mind), and then, bouncing on the rope, swinging, I wanted it to never end - in that moment you can know yourself. And that moment can last a lot longer in real life - if you don't panic and run for the first safe harbour. Instead - you get time with yourself, so uncomfortable, so amazingly comfortable. I can't imagine going back. It has been such a pleasure getting to know me over the past five months, 20 days.

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length--and there I travel looking, looking breathlessly." - Carlos Castaneda

The fool is both 1 and 22 in the major arcana of the tarot, end and beginning of the archetypal "Hero's Journey." Why? Well, really, most people either say it's # 0, or 22. I say it's both. Each cycle of self-realization, personal growth - the archetypal inner journey - is begun by taking a leap of faith, and then, after all the trials and phases that go with that process, after ending with the World - completion of your self and your place in the Universe - you leap off a cliff again into the unknown - take a step in your inner and/or outer life beyond everything you've learned - in faith, hope, and naiveté.

Last Saturday night I came back to my friends place that I was staying at, and she said, "I have a question for you, you should have a drink first." I said "shoot, I don't need a drink," and she said (we were going to what promised to be a quite fun but reasonably civilized non-dress-up party) "let's dress up as superhero's!"
What can you say to that: "cha-ching!" I think I said, "I'd wear a cape every day if I could get away with it..." [check the last para. of my first blog entry]. I went as Robin, she went as Wonder-Woman, and the other two hero's went as Green Lantern and Superman. It was awesome.
Once we got to the party, or maybe before, I said "we should go out on the town!!" I mean, hey - why have half a fun night? So we did. We were in Tofino, where there's only two options: the Legion or the Maquinna (commonly referred to as the devil bar, although I've had some good times there). We tried the Legion because a lovely young lady I know was there, but it was way too tame for superhero's, so we went to the devil bar. Probably fitting :)
As we walked in this dude came up to me, kinda tough looking, biggish, we had psyched ourselves up that everyone was going to hate/make fun of us, leading to beatings. I, being detached and accompanied by my inner observer, kinda shrugged - curious as to where this was going. He pointed at me and said, "you're the Robin from the Teen Titans, you're out on your own, you don't need Batman anymore.. " The rest of the night followed that, it was fun to feel cool for once. That's not self-pity, but like the kid in Almost Famous - I'm not cool.
Being the Fool is about letting go of yourself - who you think you are, who you want to be, and there is an element of the clown to it too - mocking yourself. In humour there is freedom. And magic in enjoying life.

"The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity." - JFK

Jumping off a cliff is a way of creating a crisis for yourself. To feel alive, induce change and growth. If there's no danger, there's no opportunity.
I guess I'm still in danger, considering I have no home, and a fixed (rapidly decreasing) amount of money, and no job (yet). But I don't really feel it - I actually feel fairly secure, in travel - surfing through life. January 1st will mark six months of homelessness, and I feel like it will come with a sense of completion for that stage of my errand. What cliff will I jump off of then?
God only knows.

The truth is that life is hard and dangerous; that those who seek their own happiness do not find it; that those who are weak must suffer; that those who demand love will be dissapointed; that those who are greedy will not be fed; that those who seek peace will find strife; that truth is only for the brave; that joy is only for those that do not fear to be alone; that life is only for the one who is not afraid to die. - Joyce Cary

Remember, you cannot abandon what you do not know. To go beyond yourself, you must know yourself.
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

My journey so far has been about going beyond the self I knew before, and getting to know myself all over again. It's certainly got me in touch with new dreams, new hopes, new opportunities, and a new vision, based on just watching me enjoy life, take risks, laugh, love, stumble, try, not-try. 
Life's grand adventure - I've never embraced it more fully. And while it's true that life is hard and dangerous, it is also so stunningly gorgeous, so fabulously miraculous, and utterly simple and complex at the same time, I do travel it breathlessly, in awe and wonder.
I know so many people are feeling this way these days; stepping out and making big changes in their lives, based on seeing the pointlessness of collecting more stuff/jobs/biggerhouses/more money, and feeling a longing for something deeper, inside ourselves and between all of us.
I feel like it must be astrological, or part of a great rising tide: of a refusal to live anymore in the way we were told; but to value instead the experience, each other, find some meaning, maybe even - (am I on a rant here?) - as we refuse to do anything other than flower as individuals - a flowering of society, based on love, self-realization, honesty, sharing, service? Hope..? Adventurousness of spirit...?

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I know I'm not the only one.