A year of living dangerously...

Well, it's final - Life Rocks. I left Peterborough on July 1st, "Canada Day", 2010, to do a little experiment. It was to see; if I lived full-on, balls-to-the-wall, following-my-dreams - if that'd be good.
It is.
It's marvellous. I had a home, and job, and all that crap, and - as I said in My Blog, My Chosen Lifestyle, (my first entry) - I will have them again. The difference is - now I don't give a crap.
Seriously - I've been wondering what the difference is. The difference is: Nothing, and I mean nothing - takes priority over my living true to myself. That's why I call it travel even when I have a home and a job (which I do now).

I cannot rest from travel; I will drink
Life to the lees.

Ah, Ulysses, you had it figured out, brother. It's not about moving from place to place, geographically (although that's good), it's about - moving from place to place in your heart, your soul, your life - having courage to face what life gives you, in your world, and in your inner most secret dreams.
This is the road we all travel. I have seen, in my short years, there is only one direction in life - forward. We either do that, or we do nothing. Go ahead and make mistakes, as I've previously quoted;

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

I mean shit, we all know "you can't be fond of living in the past,
cause if you are then there's no way that you're gonna last".

No way.

I will never go back to Georgia. Georgia is, for me: Nova Scotia? or..  9-5housewifemortgagebabyretirementdeath.. probly more the latter. Fuck that.
Where have I been in the last year? California, three times. Berkeley (2 weeks), San Francisco, Los Angeles(3). Oregon, Washington, all over BC, across a lot of Canada, Cortes and Quadra Islands, tons of time in Tofino, the Sunshine Coast, Vancouver. Absolute quiet. I have been to a land of peace, an inner peace that comes from living your own truth, where there just aren't any questions anymore.
I've crossed places inside myself I wasn't sure I could, or ever would, I've sailed past reefs of uncertainty, clashing rocks of self-doubt, I guess my committment has been - to live life fully, whatever the cost. When my boat got smashed - I swam.

Cause I ain't got nowhere to go back to. Thanks to the Universe 'n I. And if I did - I'd probably go even farther away. Two best compliments ever - my bro played the scene from Forrest Gump, when Seargent Dan straps hisself to the top of the mast of his boat in a storm, it's blowin', he's screamin' - "Is that all you got???"
Once it was playing, he called us over and said - "that's my brother."

The other, Gabriel, livin on the beach at 21, he'd introduce everyone, then say.. nevermind. I told that one before.

The Germans have a saying (I picked up while hitch-hiking there): "half drunk is a waste of money." I'd say, half lived is a waste of .. I dunno, - some currency that we are created with? God-energy? Divine spirit? All the work my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather put into getting laid? (He had bad teeth). Whatever your beliefs - let's not waste it. Cripes.
I can guarantee, absolutely promise and swear on a stack of bricks - that it's worth it. I've tested it out. Leave. Keep going. Do not go home. Do not - go to your safe place.
On the other side of our fear is: Ourselves. At last. No more need to run for love, no more need to seek meaning ouside yourself.

Some journal entries from the last year:

"I just had the most startling revelation! - on fb tonight, lotsa fun, lotsa new girls, new friends, seeing how much my world has grown, and how well, and seeing why - because I'm happy" sometime..

"Today I drove to the top of Mount Shasta, and then hiked, quite high, almost to the ice. Stopped and sat and meditated. in the cold wind and spattering rain. I have been travelling for two months and 19 days. I am your father." Sept 19 2010

"Who cares? Enjoy life. Just relax + enjoy it.
Travel, Love, Make money, laugh,
two sides to everything." March 13, 2011

"October 31st - Halloween! Had a great time last night - went to a party at a friend of Gabriel's - his 50th birthday. Had some fun - Andrew came up from Vancouver. Went to the legion w Ian the cabdriver - I egged us on and we all had fun." October 31, 2010

"Homelessness + Service-
you must free yourself of all things that restrict you
in your ability to serve.
then you must create structures which enhance your
ability to serve." Dec 6, 2010.

"Love the Wind - my heart is open and running w gold. My heart is open. Follow it.
Allow it.
Be in the world with an open heart." April 23, 2011.

"I am an errand knight, and the errand is unknown to me.
... insofar as there is a single question in my life right now, it is: What is my errand?" Aug 6, 2010

"Dreams - July 13, Jasper, went out w Clyf last night to the dead dog or something like that. met some great people. Beautiful french waitress - what was her name? she ditched me"  July 13, 2010

"the babbling brooks of
my land and heart
the changing tides,
and all things in their seasons,
this land is me,
 and I AM this land."
"following one's destiny is like chasing a ghost through a forest at twilight.." July 15thish, 2010

"Your imagination's havin' puppies" July 1, 2011. Ok, that's not really from me.

"Self-realization. Isn't that what this is all about? Or is it?
is it about helping people? What is it about? Funny, it all. For me - it's both." date unknown..

"...  or, turn outward - to the world - and open to a new world, one with spots for me - a role, a woman, love -, fun - more importantly - where I can work with Justice - as my co-worker/partner - close - and possibly more - in the light.
...
I did it.
I talked to Sydne, quit." May 27, 2010.

Here I am, in Kits, in my room, it's 2:42 am, I gave up everything, everything - on the hope that I could have more, that I could find a place where I could help my fellow man in the way I can, and live, love, laugh.
Today, I am here.
I may fall on my face many times, but I do think - the Universe loves risk-takers.
I know the Universe loves me.
And so do I. I can tell, because..
I followed my heart.


And I, infinitesimal being,
drunk with the great starry
void,
likeness, image of
mystery,
felt myself a pure part
of the abyss,
I wheeled with the stars,
my heart broke loose on the wind.

And I will also, at once, quote my two most-quoted: Rilke (Love Poems to God), and: the Tragically Hip:

You, are always in view.