the path of Faith...

Faith. Over the last year and a half faith has been my greatest teacher, friend, lover and coach. I've followed it, broken it, wished for it, acted on it, and been thankful for it.

When I committed to be here in Tofino I had a few sources of income lined up, because I knew my main gig here might not be enough at first. They all dried up recently, other than the main gig. I was pretty stressed about it, and sat in the office the other day contemplating my choices. I was on day two of asking for faith, when a lady walked in the door. She was around 50, with kind eyes. She said, "do you work here?" I said, "yeah." She said she was a lawyer too, from Duncan, and visits here a few times a year. I told her that I moved here in September and had just started practicing. She said, "good for you!" Then she said, "I had a chance to move here and set up practice about 18 years ago, and I didn't do it, and I always wished I had."

It left me wondering; is 'asking for faith' the same as 'having faith'? I think it might be. Maybe it's when you give up asking that you're screwed.

Thanks, Universe. I'll stick it out. I'm sure another month of oatmeal for breakfast and rice for supper will build character. :)

Speaking of character. I recently ended a relationship in very ungraceful fashion. It took faith in a way, because I realized I was scared to end it, and be on my own yet again. But I also broke faith with someone, and treated them very poorly. Lame.
Yet, the path of faith is not simple, like twin horses, of fear and desire, love and lust, faith, and ... ???

Again, my love turns to nature, some crazy ideals, and the daily quality of my own life; of me;

 ....    Therefore he went. And what wonder
If sometimes he could not remember
Which was the one who wished on his departure
Perils that he could never sail through,
And which, improbable, remote, and true,
was the one he kept sailing home to?

Maybe I'm just too scared of the real thing. Or maybe - I just want so much to fill my cup: to live my dreams completely, even if it turns out to be a total disaster and I'm old and alone with a broken leg, maybe, as my brother said a year or so ago, after all the experiences of the last year - maybe I've finally put my own happiness first, and am willing to gamble on that. Maybe Faith in yourself is the only real "home" we can ever have.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

I am sorry to the people I have hurt, it wasn't necessary to be on my path, but...

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

These are the voices of the path of faith^v


Walk out with me toward the unknown region,
Where neither ground is for the feet nor any path to follow?