Ok, my last few entries have been downers. I just needed a little help from my friends.
I remember reading in some DH Lawrence novel when I was a teenager that everyone saw themselves through some kind of lens - in our personal thoughts about ourselves - we imagine, or see - how we are seen. It was a revelation to me, and so was the following.
Just to show what a geek I am; I laughed and cried at the same time when I read these words recently from The Eye of the I:
The individual 'I' can only be aware of itself or its existence as a consequence of the greater Awareness. This is the innate quality of the Divine 'I' which is its source and the focus of the spiritual search. As such, it is thus nonverbal and the source of experiencing, witnessing, and observing. By analogy, one comes to realize that one is the water and not the fish.
It reminded me of a vision I had a year or so ago, of a painting; black zigzag stripes with circles and squares and triangles in them over a clay coloured background. The lines with shapes represented the vibration of everything. Some child had come along and drawn the outline of a man over this beautiful painting, and then a voice from inside said; "that child was you."
I was that child again over the last few weeks, boy, was I! But my friends rescued me. Talked to me, took me out (and kept me out all night), gave me a fantastic chakra alignment / reiki session (yes, it really works..) (ask me for contact info;), and wrote an awesome book called the Eye of the I.
We see ourselves that way because we do actually also see from ourselves from without - because our truest consciousness is spread through everything, diffused like smoke through reality.
I'm going to quote some Rilke that I've quoted before, and but change it up with a few words of my own:
You are (I am) the deep innerness of all things,
the last word that can never be spoken,
to each of us you reveal yourself (we reveal ourselves) differently:
to the ship as coastline, to the shore as ship.
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