Went out on the beach with a friend. Wind howled. Winter ended.
Blew away all the reasons, all the brakes. Left only motor.
"Our heartbeat, our heartbeat, our heartbeat.."
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
the beautiful wind
It's Spring. The wind was beautiful today. Strong. The power was out, but not the power in our hearts. Spring. It wasn't a hard winter (yeah, right), but I'm glad to have it blown away anyway..
Went out on the beach with a friend. Wind howled. Winter ended.
Blew away all the reasons, all the brakes. Left only motor.
"Our heartbeat, our heartbeat, our heartbeat.."
Went out on the beach with a friend. Wind howled. Winter ended.
Blew away all the reasons, all the brakes. Left only motor.
"Our heartbeat, our heartbeat, our heartbeat.."
"the magic" / Sightings / Carl Jung's mistake
The world is fundamentally magical - miraculous. I've said this before, I will add - we create it. All the time.
We create our worlds. Friends point it out to me, how these simple, yet totally unlikely things I ask for, just show up, the very next day. Like in "the Secret". At the same time I sometimes can't seem to get basic things together. Last year was really tough financially, setting up a new business and getting a career off the ground in a little town know as "Tuff City". No shit. I just couldn't seem to get the money part together for the first year, despite asking "the Gods." They were silent and still.
In retrospect, though - it was me blocking things from working.
A few days ago (March 12th), in Cowichan, I saw a golden eagle in a tree with a big fresh kill. My last golden eagle sighting was on March 11, 2012, the one before that March 13, 2011, and then, working backwards, there were two on other dates, and (of five total in my whole life) - the first = March 13, 2006. The basic order of the Universe is the sideways connections between things that we cannot see - Synchronicity is "an acausal connecting principal" - but Jung himself didn't go far enough, or rather - allowed his western mind to cling to: "but there must be some connection (we just don't understand yet.)" Whereas the physicist, Wolfgang Pauli, wanted him to just come out and say the truth - there are some things which are simply connected, without cause. They just are. Such is the nature of reality.
The mind reels at this, rails against it - "there must be some connection!!!"- Jung even went with astrology.. hey, I read my horoscope - I'm not kicking it, but if that's the "cause" - then we're not dealing with "acausal."
Tonight's opposing Truths are: you will (one way or another) do the will of "the magic"; the power you have invited: Fate... And: life is a dark highway, there is no fate but what we make. Perhaps coincidences / synchonicities - are simply sightings, glimpses - of our path, our destiny, our next step as we grope in the dark..
We strive, strain - reach - for meaning in our lives, for life to have some purpose. In our jobs, our loves, our days, we catch glimpses - occasionally, at best. No matter how dedicated we are - to the path we are one with. A friend mentioned the book Sightings recently, I had brought up Point Reyes, in California, I thought that's where the book had taken place. It was. Last week I had a little professional disappointment, and afterward went out for a long walk in the rain-forest, in the rain. Saw a large freshly gnawed bone on the trail, and heard wolves yipping in the forest around me. Got wet. Asked nature, "you called me here - what the f*** do you want?"
Maybe, like the eagle, I simply have to go get it.. if you act, as you think..
We create our worlds. Friends point it out to me, how these simple, yet totally unlikely things I ask for, just show up, the very next day. Like in "the Secret". At the same time I sometimes can't seem to get basic things together. Last year was really tough financially, setting up a new business and getting a career off the ground in a little town know as "Tuff City". No shit. I just couldn't seem to get the money part together for the first year, despite asking "the Gods." They were silent and still.
In retrospect, though - it was me blocking things from working.
A few days ago (March 12th), in Cowichan, I saw a golden eagle in a tree with a big fresh kill. My last golden eagle sighting was on March 11, 2012, the one before that March 13, 2011, and then, working backwards, there were two on other dates, and (of five total in my whole life) - the first = March 13, 2006. The basic order of the Universe is the sideways connections between things that we cannot see - Synchronicity is "an acausal connecting principal" - but Jung himself didn't go far enough, or rather - allowed his western mind to cling to: "but there must be some connection (we just don't understand yet.)" Whereas the physicist, Wolfgang Pauli, wanted him to just come out and say the truth - there are some things which are simply connected, without cause. They just are. Such is the nature of reality.
The mind reels at this, rails against it - "there must be some connection!!!"- Jung even went with astrology.. hey, I read my horoscope - I'm not kicking it, but if that's the "cause" - then we're not dealing with "acausal."
Tonight's opposing Truths are: you will (one way or another) do the will of "the magic"; the power you have invited: Fate... And: life is a dark highway, there is no fate but what we make. Perhaps coincidences / synchonicities - are simply sightings, glimpses - of our path, our destiny, our next step as we grope in the dark..
We strive, strain - reach - for meaning in our lives, for life to have some purpose. In our jobs, our loves, our days, we catch glimpses - occasionally, at best. No matter how dedicated we are - to the path we are one with. A friend mentioned the book Sightings recently, I had brought up Point Reyes, in California, I thought that's where the book had taken place. It was. Last week I had a little professional disappointment, and afterward went out for a long walk in the rain-forest, in the rain. Saw a large freshly gnawed bone on the trail, and heard wolves yipping in the forest around me. Got wet. Asked nature, "you called me here - what the f*** do you want?"
Maybe, like the eagle, I simply have to go get it.. if you act, as you think..
Golden Eagle with Prey
Tall dead maple
awkward feathers jut
I eye my world in knowledge
Friday, March 8, 2013
Lazarus Owl and the death of the dead
They said you were the best
But then they were only kids
Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
I still haven't dropped this owl shit.. you don't have to read it. I've been thinking about it - the owls, and dead swan = death. = transformation. It was two owls, I've come to think of it as the 'Lazarus Owl' - the first one, I thought I killed, the second, showed himself to show I had not. In between was a dead swan. Symbol of sacred love, the mysteries, poetry.. perhaps I should think of it as the Christ Owl. Is that blasphemous? ;)
It was about the end of my Self here - the 'me' I had come to know and identify with, and the requirement to let go of that .. before I can again re-create myself in a new image. Seen in its most simple - death must come first, then acceptance of universal love - the 'mystery' - then (and only then) - rebirth. It said, sitting on the branch, "look, look - I am here alive in the woods, I cannot end, I sacrificed my Self so you could see."
I grew up in a deadly house. People died in it, before I was there. My grandmother killed herself there in 1956 or so. She haunted it. Now, sometimes, she haunts me. Because you cannot run from yourself. (But can you walk?)
In my house I was the pet-burier. I wanted to be a good son, I never raised a fuss. It was natural for me to serve, and that can be good or bad.
Funny, only as I write this do I see - I had thought the thing I needed to let go of was my image of myself as a small-town professional, doing some environmental work, being part of a community, which has been really hard (to make work) and really rewarding. To embrace the next step. And it may be so.
But moreso - it may be time to leave an old family pattern behind; of self-sabotage, self-destruction (sometimes literal), self-limiting. Errand Knight. This blog is, at least partly, about being a warrior in the world. In a little piece I wrote years ago I said, "the greatest battle we can ever face is with ourselves, battles on the outside don't matter and are not real - the only thing that counts is the battle with our selves."
We don't need to relive the patterns of our past, and yet we do - like echo's. And they are so hard to change.
Sometimes the only way to win a battle is to give up. One can only have the rebirth after the death, after the surrender and the mystery...
But then they were only kids
Then you would recall the deadly houses you grew up in
I still haven't dropped this owl shit.. you don't have to read it. I've been thinking about it - the owls, and dead swan = death. = transformation. It was two owls, I've come to think of it as the 'Lazarus Owl' - the first one, I thought I killed, the second, showed himself to show I had not. In between was a dead swan. Symbol of sacred love, the mysteries, poetry.. perhaps I should think of it as the Christ Owl. Is that blasphemous? ;)
It was about the end of my Self here - the 'me' I had come to know and identify with, and the requirement to let go of that .. before I can again re-create myself in a new image. Seen in its most simple - death must come first, then acceptance of universal love - the 'mystery' - then (and only then) - rebirth. It said, sitting on the branch, "look, look - I am here alive in the woods, I cannot end, I sacrificed my Self so you could see."
I grew up in a deadly house. People died in it, before I was there. My grandmother killed herself there in 1956 or so. She haunted it. Now, sometimes, she haunts me. Because you cannot run from yourself. (But can you walk?)
In my house I was the pet-burier. I wanted to be a good son, I never raised a fuss. It was natural for me to serve, and that can be good or bad.
Funny, only as I write this do I see - I had thought the thing I needed to let go of was my image of myself as a small-town professional, doing some environmental work, being part of a community, which has been really hard (to make work) and really rewarding. To embrace the next step. And it may be so.
But moreso - it may be time to leave an old family pattern behind; of self-sabotage, self-destruction (sometimes literal), self-limiting. Errand Knight. This blog is, at least partly, about being a warrior in the world. In a little piece I wrote years ago I said, "the greatest battle we can ever face is with ourselves, battles on the outside don't matter and are not real - the only thing that counts is the battle with our selves."
We don't need to relive the patterns of our past, and yet we do - like echo's. And they are so hard to change.
Sometimes the only way to win a battle is to give up. One can only have the rebirth after the death, after the surrender and the mystery...
my memory is muddy
what's this river that I'm in?
New Orleans is sinkin', man
and I don't wanna swim..
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Swan and something new
When you clear things out, you make room for something new. When you let go, you are free to embrace. When you leave - you arrive.
We all pray for release of one kind or another, for liberty - from the chains that bind us.
Something I haven't mentioned, I don't think, from one of my favorite books - The Secret of Letting Go, is where he says, "just because you've failed at something a thousand times, doesn't mean you shouldn't try again, doesn't mean you the 1001nth try won't be the one that gets you over the hump.."
He goes on to say that sometimes you just need to change your strategy.
Can you live a life of your dreams? What if you have it all, but one piece - should you chuck it and start again, or make do?
2012 was a hard year for me, a good year, but I was trying to serve, and not serving my self. I had a dream life but couldn't enjoy it, I was caught up in "the struggle."
A friend of mine said, "environmentalists talk about protecting nature, but they never go to it, and ask what it wants, ask for its help, support, and guidance." I have since then, and I have received. Ask, and it shall be granted unto you.
Swan people have the ability to see the future,
and to accept the healing and transformation
I stopped trying to heal the world, and started trying healing my self. I asked for guidance and renewal, and a Lazarus owl came to me, and a dead swan. Let go = Receive.
Ask. Ask for your prayers to be answered, ask for help, ask for a world where you can naively give.
We all pray for release of one kind or another, for liberty - from the chains that bind us.
Something I haven't mentioned, I don't think, from one of my favorite books - The Secret of Letting Go, is where he says, "just because you've failed at something a thousand times, doesn't mean you shouldn't try again, doesn't mean you the 1001nth try won't be the one that gets you over the hump.."
He goes on to say that sometimes you just need to change your strategy.
Can you live a life of your dreams? What if you have it all, but one piece - should you chuck it and start again, or make do?
2012 was a hard year for me, a good year, but I was trying to serve, and not serving my self. I had a dream life but couldn't enjoy it, I was caught up in "the struggle."
A friend of mine said, "environmentalists talk about protecting nature, but they never go to it, and ask what it wants, ask for its help, support, and guidance." I have since then, and I have received. Ask, and it shall be granted unto you.
Swan people have the ability to see the future,
and to accept the healing and transformation
that is beginning in their lives.
I stopped trying to heal the world, and started trying healing my self. I asked for guidance and renewal, and a Lazarus owl came to me, and a dead swan. Let go = Receive.
Ask. Ask for your prayers to be answered, ask for help, ask for a world where you can naively give.
I see the future. Transformation is coming to us all.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Owl and the ROYAL ORDER
Two Wednesday's ago I was heading to Vancouver for a trial. It was pre-dusk as I left for my three-hour drive, and I thought, "I bet I'm gonna see an owl tonight." Not that it's a common occurrence, it was just a feeling. On the highway down to Nanaimo, and the stretch where you can go 110 km/h, it was about 7:30 and pouring rain, pitch black, I looked across at some jerk who had his high beams on, and - bam! Or rather - Thud! I leaped, thinking the window was going to crash in on me - whatever hit it right in front of my face left a circle of uncracked glass a bit smaller than the palm of my hand, a spiral of cracks around it - and a beak mark in the middle.
I thought: "Fuck, I killed, an owl." "What kinda bad omen is that?" "I'm a terrible person." I felt bad. Really bad. I almost felt like I had summoned it up with my prediction, and .. that it was all my fault.
I was distraught in Van, at Di's, and she gave me some cards to see if I could find any answers. The one that stood out was - The ROYAL ORDER. We aid each other on the journey to ascension But we can't help others unless we first help ourselves.
On Friday, on my way back, I swung around and walked that stretch of road = no dead owl. No feathers. Nothing. It coulda been dragged off by a scavenger, a dog, or a driving-by taxidermist/feather-picker. Or - it may have lived. I went home Friday and watched animal snuff-films - you know 'cat vs. owl' - on youtube .. for a whole hour.
I thought: "Fuck, I killed, an owl." "What kinda bad omen is that?" "I'm a terrible person." I felt bad. Really bad. I almost felt like I had summoned it up with my prediction, and .. that it was all my fault.
I was distraught in Van, at Di's, and she gave me some cards to see if I could find any answers. The one that stood out was - The ROYAL ORDER. We aid each other on the journey to ascension But we can't help others unless we first help ourselves.
On Friday, on my way back, I swung around and walked that stretch of road = no dead owl. No feathers. Nothing. It coulda been dragged off by a scavenger, a dog, or a driving-by taxidermist/feather-picker. Or - it may have lived. I went home Friday and watched animal snuff-films - you know 'cat vs. owl' - on youtube .. for a whole hour.
Birds of prey are amazingly resilient. I started to wonder if maybe I had not killed the owl after all. [Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkW7r-rgeBQ .. this is tenacity on the level of my brother - do not fuck with this bird! A goose can break your arm, you could run that gyrfalcon over repeatedly and he'd still get up and choke the crap out of you.]
Nonetheless - the whole sordid tale threw a pall over me and my life for a few days. I was an owl-killer, curséd by owls, whom I love and adore.
Saturday, Diana and I went down to Grice Bay for a walk on the mud-flats. On the drive back at dusk, half-way up the Grice Bay road, an owl dropped out of the trees to our left, swooped in front of the car, opening his wings wide right in front of us, and then cresting and landing in a tree on the other side of the road.
I was shocked, but managed to stop the car and back up. There he was, just sitting there. What the heck!? I got out, stood under the tree, took a few pictures, talked to him. I thanked him for his visit, and for assuring me I hadn't killed him. But it was about more than that. He sat, turned away, rotated his head, and turned back to look directly at me - over and over. I have never had an encounter with an animal that seemed so... intentional. He was so all-knowing, wise, simple, straight-forward: a living mystery. An alien.
Nonetheless - the whole sordid tale threw a pall over me and my life for a few days. I was an owl-killer, curséd by owls, whom I love and adore.
Saturday, Diana and I went down to Grice Bay for a walk on the mud-flats. On the drive back at dusk, half-way up the Grice Bay road, an owl dropped out of the trees to our left, swooped in front of the car, opening his wings wide right in front of us, and then cresting and landing in a tree on the other side of the road.
I was shocked, but managed to stop the car and back up. There he was, just sitting there. What the heck!? I got out, stood under the tree, took a few pictures, talked to him. I thanked him for his visit, and for assuring me I hadn't killed him. But it was about more than that. He sat, turned away, rotated his head, and turned back to look directly at me - over and over. I have never had an encounter with an animal that seemed so... intentional. He was so all-knowing, wise, simple, straight-forward: a living mystery. An alien.
Another friend put it differently (than the royal order), more gently - the beauty path. We must stay on it. That could be another name for this blog; The Beauty Path: weird nature encounters as road-signs to self. Do we choose the path, or does the path choose us? Is there any difference?
I'm not sure what he wanted, this owl who wanted to get into my car, and my life. I told him I'd do what he asked. There's a quote from a book I'm reading, but I can't find it. The book is Forest Mage, by Robin Hobb. Very enjoyable light fantasy-adventure. Or so I thought. The parallels to my life since I started it are a bit creepy.
The main character is a young man, who is destined to serve as a soldier. He becomes possessed by forest magic, as his people encounter a forest-dwelling people, who believe in magic instead of rational steel. The forest magic is his destiny.
The quote is where his teacher and lover says to him, "foolish boy, you will do what the magic wants, one way or another - it is your path." He sees that every time he has resisted his destiny what he clung to was taken away from him.
Carlos Castaneda's teacher, Don Juan, said that once you took the path of personal power - you had no control over where it would guide you. Joseph Campbell said that once you accept "The Call" - you don't know where the path will lead you.
But follow it, you must. As Cpt. Willard said, "never get outta the boat - not unless you're gonna go all the way.."
We run from our fates: nothing is more terrifying. We try to hide, we lie to ourselves; "this isn't real," "it was only a dream," "that promise didn't mean anything.."
.. but it did. Oh, it did.
Owl is absolute mercilessness, with absolute love, and truth-to-nature .. when life asked you, and you said Yes, you didn't say, "yes, but only if so-and-so says it's ok," or "yes, but only if it doesn't take me off The Program.." Fuck the program.
I'm not sure what he wanted, this owl who wanted to get into my car, and my life. I told him I'd do what he asked. There's a quote from a book I'm reading, but I can't find it. The book is Forest Mage, by Robin Hobb. Very enjoyable light fantasy-adventure. Or so I thought. The parallels to my life since I started it are a bit creepy.
The main character is a young man, who is destined to serve as a soldier. He becomes possessed by forest magic, as his people encounter a forest-dwelling people, who believe in magic instead of rational steel. The forest magic is his destiny.
The quote is where his teacher and lover says to him, "foolish boy, you will do what the magic wants, one way or another - it is your path." He sees that every time he has resisted his destiny what he clung to was taken away from him.
Carlos Castaneda's teacher, Don Juan, said that once you took the path of personal power - you had no control over where it would guide you. Joseph Campbell said that once you accept "The Call" - you don't know where the path will lead you.
But follow it, you must. As Cpt. Willard said, "never get outta the boat - not unless you're gonna go all the way.."
We run from our fates: nothing is more terrifying. We try to hide, we lie to ourselves; "this isn't real," "it was only a dream," "that promise didn't mean anything.."
.. but it did. Oh, it did.
Owl is absolute mercilessness, with absolute love, and truth-to-nature .. when life asked you, and you said Yes, you didn't say, "yes, but only if so-and-so says it's ok," or "yes, but only if it doesn't take me off The Program.." Fuck the program.
Maybe you didn't say yes. This blog's not for you.
Obey the ROYAL ORDER.
Follow your Destiny, you chose it.
Make it a beautiful path.
Snatch it.
Empty Spaces, March (Prologue)
Talking with a friend tonight about some time she'd taken off, and seeing how her life had changed in that time, I said, "it's amazing what happens when you create an empty space." People are so afraid to leave something - job, relationship, home - they want the space filled first, before they'll agree with the Universe to empty it.
I'm committing long-accustomed blog crime as I write (although I have immunity to kill) - I have another drafted - one about owls. But the owls and the swan may have been about this - creating empty spaces - places to be filled.
I have the life I do now because I threw what I had away, and now, when I want more.. well, someone once said to me, "you always want more, it's never enough.."
Yeah, pretty much.
Last year I wrote March and the Human Spring. In 13 minutes it's March. Fuck, I love March. Last year was the human spring - this one's mine.
I'm committing long-accustomed blog crime as I write (although I have immunity to kill) - I have another drafted - one about owls. But the owls and the swan may have been about this - creating empty spaces - places to be filled.
I have the life I do now because I threw what I had away, and now, when I want more.. well, someone once said to me, "you always want more, it's never enough.."
Yeah, pretty much.
Last year I wrote March and the Human Spring. In 13 minutes it's March. Fuck, I love March. Last year was the human spring - this one's mine.
maybe death isn't darkness, after all,
but so much light wrapping itself around us —
as soft as feathers —
Let go.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up - but surrendering to who you are.
Have no regrets.
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